Why Are We So Afraid of Women? (At Work and Beyond)

It’s time to create a women-friendly workplace instead of one designed for and by men

Marta Lebek/Stocksy

Bicycles played a pivotal role for women, serving not just as a means of transportation but as a ticket to freedom. But not so fast. When men realized how bikes could accelerate women’s path toward independence, they quickly found ways to prevent it.

“Beware of the bicycle face,” doctors warned women. The effort to maintain balance could produce a wearied and exhausted face. Doctors argued that riding a bike wasn’t suitable for women, as it could lead to exhaustion, insomnia, headaches, and depression.

Sounds like a plot twist in a whimsical novel, right? But this was the reality for many women in the late 19th century. As bicycles became a symbol of liberation for women, society responded with fearmongering.

In their professional careers, women still pedal hard for autonomy in a workplace designed by and for men. The term "bicycle face" may sound funny and outdated, but its underlying purpose remains. It may be more subtle now, but its effect should still be taken seriously.

The Uphill Struggle of Women

Since its beginning, society has been trying to limit women – from controlling their bodies and sexuality to limiting their personal and professional development.

As Avrum Weiss, Ph.D. wrote in Psychology Today, “Men’s fears of women in intimate relationships are hidden in plain sight. Most men do such an incredibly good job at hiding these fears and vulnerabilities that even their mothers and lovers don’t know how scared they are.”

Childfree women are often vilified for not delivering on societal expectations. Many can’t stand women’s free will and desire for autonomy. Performance artist Marina Abramovic became the “most hated woman in the world” at some point, simply because she neither had nor wanted to have kids.

As Holly Brockwell, creator of #MyPillStory, wrote, “In the eyes of society, there’s no right answer when it comes to having kids. You’re not allowed to have none (selfish), you can’t have only one (cruel) and you certainly shouldn’t have too many.”

The government has a long history of controlling women – and it hasn’t ended.

This desire to control women’s bodies and minds is not limited to extreme religions or unprogressive societies – it happens across the board. It’s no surprise that women’s equality is rolled back as authoritarianism is on the rise.

“Look around you in any direction you like – art, drama, law, medicine – and you cannot point to any single instance where a woman has created anything that has been passed down to posterity” – Benito Mussolini

Ironically, women kept most countries running when men went to battle, even working in factories and shipyards. They also drove trucks, flew planes, organized fundraisers, treated patients, grew crops, broke codes, and took care of children.

Approximately 70% of the intelligence employees in the US were women, contributing to the Allied victory by deciphering complex enemy messages.

So, why does society still treat women differently and as less than men? We still see women as weak and try to protect them from life’s suffering. This has led to an underrepresentation of women in the professional setting.

Women make up only 24% of the persons heard, read about, or seen in the media despite the fact they comprise almost 50% of the population. Progress has been made, but it’s not enough.

Women’s political representation has doubled in the last 25 years, but only 1 in 4 parliamentary seats are held by women. In 2023, female CEOs remain surprisingly underrepresented, accounting for only 5.4% of all CEOs globally.

So, why are we so afraid about women’s free will?

Women remind us of our own vulnerabilities and dependencies. The attachment theory suggests that a strong bond between children and their caregivers is crucial for surviving and thriving in life. Society’s emphasis on independence and self-reliance can make us fear women because they reflect our vulnerable selves.

This mirrors the complex relationship between settled immigrants and new arrivals. It sheds light on our tendency to distance ourselves from our past, particularly when it reveals our vulnerabilities.

Research shows that successful immigrants are more likely to oppose further immigration. Instead of empathizing with newcomers due to shared experiences, they fear that negative stereotypes could be applied to all immigrants, even themselves. The longer immigrants live in the U.S., the more they perceive new newcomers as threats.

We measure women by a different bar.

Women are supposed to be great mothers, lovers, friends, and professionals. They can’t fail in any category, or they’re failures in totality. However, men’s professional success gets them off the hook for not being good parents.

Consider our odd relationship with accumulating things. Women are more likely than men to be told their excess stuff is clutter. As Professor Joseph Ferrari said, “In our culture, women are instructed to declutter. But men are told, ‘That’s your hobby’ or ‘Those are your toys.’”

Women are expected to fulfill societal expectations rather than find personal fulfillment.

The fact that males are no longer the de facto breadwinners hasn’t removed caregiving and housework tasks from female’s shoulders. Even though 45% of women earn the same amount of money (or more) than their husbands, they still spend four more hours on chores.

No matter how much society tries to stop women, they continue to push forward.

As financial coach and speaker Carrie Rattle wrote, “We still jump out of bed, push against all this negative talk, and keep on trying to make the world better. We succeed despite world momentum to keep us down, to keep us in our place.”

It seems we’re afraid of women’s superpowers – not their weaknesses.

A Workplace Designed for and By Men

“I don’t want to be a product of my environment – I want my environment to be a product of me.” – The Departed

The architecture of the modern workplace was primarily drafted by and for men. It was conceived with a nuclear family in mind: a working father and a stay-at-home mom. This blueprint continues to exclude women, constraining their careers and growth.

A hybrid work environment levels the playing field for women who are caregivers or mothers, as I explain in my book Remote Not Distant. Hybrid work provides both flexibility and psychological safety. Unsurprisingly, return-to-office mandates are driven mainly by male CEOs.

Women have historically faced greater barriers to fully participating in the workplace.

Most corporate offices still operate like a boys' club. They’re run and designed by and for men. Boys’ clubs are (informal) social networks to which women are rarely admitted.

Boys’ clubs don’t just protect their own by supporting men and promoting from within. They also create an environment that’s harmful to women. As havens for toxicity, sexist humor, and objectification, they create barriers to women’s professional development.

And if you think this is something from the past, my consulting work and research shows otherwise: Boys’ clubs are still alive and kicking.

Women, minorities, and introverts are often victims of interruptions. Research shows that out of 48 interruptions, 46 were caused by men. Even female justices in the US Supreme Court struggle to get equal air space – they are interrupted more often than male justices.

When women struggle, we blame them. When men fail, we blame the context or others.

Consider what happened to Jacinda Ardern when she resigned as Prime Minister of New Zealand. “Can women have it all?” – BBC asked. Apologizing and deleting the article wasn’t enough to stop angry commentators from reacting to the sexist headline. People contrasted it with the neutral, ungendered coverage when Boris Johnson quit as UK prime minister.

A study by the Rockefeller Foundation shows that 92% of Americans believe that traditions of and expectations for male leadership drive women’s lack of representation in top positions. Additionally, the perception that women prioritize family over career (89%) and that they’re less effective leaders than men (78%) creates additional barriers.

However, the reality is quite the opposite: Women are much better leaders than men.

Organizations with more women in senior positions are more profitable, more open to diverse perspectives, and make smarter decisions — among many other benefits.

Research by Harvard Business Review shows that women-led firms are more open to change and less open to risk. Female executives care less about tradition and are more open to challenging the status quo than their male counterparts. This mindset fundamentally increases the organizational openness to change.

Women are significantly more self-aware than men. This drives them to be more open to divergent perspectives and to change their minds when presented with new facts. Because they suffer more scrutiny than men, female senior executives are more conscious about balancing innovation with prudent decisions.

And while female executives are more likely to challenge the status quo, they also make decisions while focusing on long-term success. In fact, female CEOs prioritize research and development over M&As – unlike men, who prefer shortcuts and short-term wins.

So, how can you create a work environment that not only welcomes women, but also leverage their unique skills?

Strategies to Build a Women-Friendly Workplace

1. Create a fair, not equal, experience

Creating a women-friendly workplace doesn’t mean creating a feminist environment. It’s not about replacing a boys’ club with a girls’ society. The goal is to create a fair experience where women’s talents and efforts are recognized, not feared.

Just like the work-life balance paradox, instead of seeing them in conflict, we must learn to integrate both. Women’s growth shouldn’t be at the expense of men, the same way that increasing diversity shouldn’t feel like a threat to ‘white’ people.

The world is infinite – there are multiple growth possibilities for everyone.

The point is not about making it easier for women – that would reinforce the wrong belief that women are weak. It’s not about creating an equal workplace, either. It could be interpreted that women should reap the benefits without effort. Even worse, equality could feel as if women’s potential is matching that of men, not surpassing it.

A fair workplace doesn’t make things easy, nor does it guarantee outcomes for anyone. Fairness means that everyone has to give their best – no special treatment, favoritism, or shortcuts for anyone.

2. Implement a flexible hybrid work policy

88% of female workers believe that hybrid work is an equalizer. It reduces burnout, making it easier for them to manage work and caregiving responsibilities. A vast majority say it has positively impacted their career growth plan.

Start by implementing a 'flexibility-first' mindset throughout your organization to ensure that all employees have equitable access to opportunities, resources, and recognition. Offer various work arrangements, including remote and hybrid options, to accommodate different needs and lifestyles.

By implementing a "Work from anywhere, anytime" policy, Airbnb reduced attrition to below 10% while increasing diversity. Of the new hires, 52% were women. Spotify experienced similar results with its flexible policy. Globally, the number of women in leadership positions at Spotify has increased from 25% to 42%.

Hybrid work arrangements not only provide flexibility, but also psychological safety. Women suffer from fewer microaggressions when working remotely. And, when they do, they just take a break by simply closing their laptops.

3. Promote more women in senior positions

Building on the above, women in leadership offer unique inspiration and motivation.

More than 8 in 10 Americans believe that not having more women in leadership positions prevents more from securing top roles. We need more women as role models. This goes beyond inspiration: Young women desperately need advice and coaching from women who made it to the top.

Women in leadership are good for business and workplace culture. Their presence improves diversity, innovation, and decision-making, as I explained earlier.

Involving more women in hiring panels increases diversity and representation. Research shows that 23% more women apply for a job when a search committee is led by women rather than men.

Leaders should take more risks. Many tech companies complain because they’ve promoted men with great technical skills but who now suck as leaders. However, they’re unwilling to give a similar opportunity to women with strong leadership backgrounds but not so much experience in the tech sector.

4. Celebrate, don’t punish, life events

Women are more productive than men. Studies suggest that women complete 10% more tasks than men. Research shows that they also score higher than men in most leadership skills.

So, why punish them for personal life events?

Most employers see women’s life events as a problem. If they need time to take care of their sick kids or give birth, companies consider this as a cost – a waste in productivity. Not only do they fail to account for women’s overall productivity but also to celebrate their role and contributions to humanity.

Raising a family is no small feat, and most women don’t procreate without men – at least yet. So, why punish women?

At Bobbie, a producer of organic infant formula, a female designer was promoted right before starting her maternity leave. Why? As her manager Kim Chappell wrote, “Because she earned it. And despite the fact she was about to leave for six months she deserved to go have her baby knowing that we see and value her work.”

Sure, the company could have waited and saved some money, but women shouldn’t be punished for becoming mothers. Offering parental leave is not enough. Organizations should appreciate people’s personal life events instead of taking advantage of them.

5. Remove unnecessary obstacles

A women-friendly workplace is not about being overly protective. Women are not looking for privileges or to have things easier. They simply don’t want – or deserve – to deal with obstacles men don’t have to.

Great leaders are facilitators of culture, as I wrote here. They make it easier for people to do their jobs. This doesn’t mean removing the pain or challenges that we all need to go through. Rather, they remove unnecessary complications or obstacles that get in the way.

A year or so ago, Google launched an initiative called “Simplicity Sprint.” The purpose was to increase productivity by minimizing distraction and increasing operational excellence. The tech giant opened the floor for employees to share what was frustrating them or getting in the way:

• Where should we remove speed bumps to get to better results faster?

• How do we eliminate waste and stay entrepreneurial and focused as we grow?

Call it bureaucracy, boys’ club legacy, or simply limiting rules. What speed bumps are preventing your female employees from doing their best work? And what are you going to do about it?

6. Provide support to caregivers

Women return to work after recently giving birth to find an unsupportive environment. Not only are female executives stigmatized when they become mothers but they also have to juggle multiple balls without proper support.

What do the United States and Papua New Guinea have in common? They share the embarrassing record for being the two industrialized nations that don’t offer federal paid family leave. In fact, just 11% of workers receive paid family leave.

Patagonia has done something about it for over 30 years. The outdoor clothing company not only offers paid maternity and paternity leave but provides on-site childcare for all employees, too.

85% of Patagonia employees with kids enroll theirs in the program. The company offers affordable fees and finance assistance for those who need it. Funnily enough, the program has nurtured a new generation of employees. Many of Patagonia current employees started at a very, very young age – once babies at the on-site childcare, they’ve ended up working at the firm when they became adults.

Unfortunately, only 3% of businesses offer on-site childcare, down from 9 percent in 1996 according to Bloomberg.

On the other hand, Patagonia’s program has run uninterruptedly regardless of economic crises. Women make up 50% of its workforce and half of its management. Patagonia’s on-site childcare has helped 100% percent of women return to work after giving birth.

7. Pay women what they deserve

Two thirds of women think their salaries are unfair, according to a Glassdoor survey. And rightfully so. Pew Research data that shows the gender pay gap hasn’t improved, with 2022 numbers showing women still only make 82 cents for every dollar that men make.

As “dry promotions” become more common, women get hit the most. The number of companies offering people new job titles – more responsibility – without a salary raise has increased to 13% in 2024. Women feel greater pressure to accept a dry promotion and don’t take up the issue with their managers.

Women feel that they’re not going to get another opportunity or are used to being underpaid compared to men.

Canadian Women’s Foundation suggests three bold steps companies can take to close the gender pay gap. First, ongoing audits of compensation and gendered advancement opportunities. Second, prioritization – and equal pay – or workplace flexibility for women and caregivers. Lastly, and most importantly, implementation of pay transparency policies.

General Motors is one of only three companies globally to truly achieve equal pay. GM achieved an average pay gap of 3% or less across top, middle, and bottom pay bands.

Starbucks achieved a similar milestone by adopting a simple, yet profound, hiring tactic. The coffee giant stopped asking candidates about their previous salary. If women were already suffering from a salary gap, using their past salary as the starting negotiation point will only ensure that gap stays.

Women excel at skills needed for business leadership. Instead of making things more difficult, organizations should create the right conditions to increase the number of female leaders. As discussed earlier, female leaders create more open-minded, fair, and innovative workplace cultures.

Revise the above strategies and discuss with your leadership team. Pause and ask, “Are we doing everything possible to create a women-friendly environment? Are we making things harder for women to succeed?”

Women make organizations stronger. There’s nothing to be afraid about that.