The Hidden Cost of the Conversations We Avoid

From my new book Forward Talk: Take a peek behind the scenes

Hey there! I want to share something I've been working on these past few months. My new book, Forward Talk, is available for pre-order. While you wait for the book, here’s a preview (not an excerpt).

It’s about conversational debt—the price teams pay when silence feels safer than honesty.

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Conversational Debt: The growing cost of the conversations we avoid or mismanage

Crises don't come out of nowhere. When a CEO tells me, "We never saw it coming," I know I'll find a trail of unspoken warnings or conversations that never happened. That's exactly what I uncovered at a global pharmaceutical company where their most promising drug development had stalled. The real surprise wasn't the delay but how many people saw it coming.

The lead scientist had raised concerns about trial results on multiple occasions. Each time, the Global Project Director would deflect: "We'll address that after the upcoming investor presentation." His priority was securing the next round of funding. Data analysis could wait; the board needed to see progress, not problems.

In private conversations, team members revealed a consistent pattern. The relentless push for progress had created a 'good news only' culture. Red flags were treated as obstacles, with critical data often delayed or downplayed. Real issues only surfaced in rushed, last-minute conversations.

By the time I was brought in, the damage was irreversible. The project would need a substantial restart, losing the first-to-market advantage. What struck me wasn't the lost opportunity but how avoidable it had been. Everyone saw it coming and had time to course correct. However, the data got buried in courageous conversations that never happened.

I call this "conversational debt" – the cumulative cost teams pay when they avoid necessary conversations or handle them superficially. Like financial debt, it compounds over time, extracting an ever-increasing toll on trust, innovation, and performance. The longer you wait to address it, the more devastating the consequences.

Why You Should Care About Conversational Debt

Think of the last time you carried financial debt. Maybe a credit card balance that kept growing or a loan that became harder to pay off as time passed. Teams suffer from a similar burden that compounds not in dollars but in trust and lost opportunities.

Conversational debt is the accumulating cost of crucial conversations we avoid or handle poorly. Like financial debt, it compounds over time until addressing it becomes almost impossible.

This debt accumulates in two ways. First, through avoidance: when we choose politeness over honest dialogue, withhold crucial feedback, or pretend to be aligned while silently disagreeing. Second, through poor handling: when we blame others instead of looking for solutions, address symptoms instead of root causes, or settle for quick fixes that create an illusion of progress.

The signs of conversational debt are subtle but telling. Watch for these patterns:

• People agree too quickly without asking questions

• Conversations happen in hallways once the meeting ends

• Teams schedule follow-up meetings because they spend the first one dancing around issues

• Zoom calls feel tense, but no one addresses why

• The same issues keep surfacing quarter after quarter

Left unchecked, conversational debt takes a devastating toll. Innovation suffers as people withhold their boldest ideas, trust erodes as unspoken disagreements surface at the worst possible moment, and morale drops as minor tensions grow into a culture of avoidance.

The Three Types of Conversational Debt

Avoiding problems doesn't make them go away – it just turns them into a liability. Conversational debt piles up in three interconnected ways. Recognizing these patterns early can save your team from bigger breakdowns down the line.

Alignment Debt: Same Room, Different Movies

It happens in boardrooms all the time. Everyone nods and leaves the room confidently. Yet weeks later, each leader advances in different directions.

At one tech company, the leadership team committed to a seemingly clear goal: "improve customer satisfaction." Everyone agreed it was a critical priority, but no one dug into how to achieve it. The CTO focused on developing a sleek new app. The CFO zeroed in on revising pricing packages to attract cost-conscious customers. Meanwhile, the VP of Sales pushed for faster response times to prioritize premium accounts.

Each leader was convinced they were working toward the same goal. But a few months later, it was clear they were tackling different problems. The CEO realized they hadn't been aligned from the start, and now the gaps had become even wider. Fixing it would take far more time and effort than if they had clarified things upfront.

This is alignment debt in action. It builds up when we assume everyone's on the same page, but they’re actually heading in different directions. We say yes in meetings, then go back to our corners and work on different priorities.

Alignment debt grows when teams settle for surface-level agreements, but no one dares to challenge if they're really on the same page.

Belonging Debt: The Illusion of Harmony

Who doesn't want to be part of a team where everyone gets along? You know how it looks: Everyone has lunch together, meetings run smoothly, and the halls buzz with "We're like family here." Perfect, right? Not so fast.

I watched this unfold at an ad agency I worked with. The most celebrated creative team presented a campaign idea to the broader group. Because this team was so loved and respected, everyone gave polite, surface-level feedback. Some felt the concept wasn't strong enough, but they didn't want to rock the boat. One account manager told me later, "I didn't want to be the difficult guy – they've won awards, and everyone admires their work." The cracks showed weeks later when the campaign failed to resonate, ultimately costing the agency the account.

This is belonging debt in action. It builds up when we choose forced harmony over real conversations. When we mistake polite comments for genuine feedback. When we reward "being one of us" over being honest. When we want to feel that we belong, even at the expense of work quality.

Belonging debt accumulates when we force consensus at all costs, promote artificial positivity, or avoid hurting anyone's feelings. When cracks in the work finally show, they've grown too deep to repair.

Collaboration Debt: The Art of Going Nowhere

Have you ever noticed how some teams are great at discussing but terrible at resolving anything? Meeting after meeting, everyone contributes ideas, but nothing gets settled.

A cross-functional team at a CPG company was tasked with designing the packaging for a new organic snack bar. Marketing wanted an authentic look, pushing for craft materials to emphasize real ingredients. The packaging team raised concerns about shelf stability. The project leader tried to mediate but avoided taking sides. Weeks passed in debates about materials and design. Yet, the real question remained unasked: Who had the final say?

Was it Marketing's call since they owned the brand? Did Packaging have veto power due to food safety requirements? Or was the project lead supposed to make the decision? No one knew, so nothing moved forward. By the time leadership stepped in to break the deadlock, they'd missed their launch window with a major natural foods supermarket chain.

This is collaboration debt in action. It builds up when teams avoid resolving disagreements or facing difficult conversations. We substitute motion for progress, adding more meetings instead of addressing root causes. We focus on individual agendas instead of what we want to achieve together.

The debt compounds as teams normalize indecision, turning every challenge into endless cycle discussions without resolution.

Breaking Free from the Debt Spiral

The first step is to admit it: Every team has conversational debt. The key isn’t perfection; it’s recognizing where it exists and starting to pay it down. Alignment, belonging, and collaboration debt are warnings, not verdicts. Address them early and stop small cracks from turning into structural failures.

Teams that take communication seriously don’t just work better – they stay out of debt.